Wednesday, August 20, 2008

The End Of The World As We Know It

When I was in my late teens I fancied myself hip to the human scene. I pretty much had a bead on everything; or so I thought. As I got older and my perspectives changed, things that I thought were absolute were in fact... not.
I have this list in my mind of things that I am sure of. Slowly through life's experiences those "sure things" have been replaced with the "clearer view" or the "Uh-Oh" moment as I like to call them and perspectives change. When I have these "Uh-oh" moments I usually call the person that I had disagreed with and let them know that my perspective has changed. Then I tell them why it has changed and then... I would also apologize. I have done this a lot! More often than not these calls have been to my biological parents and to my sweet stepmother Maralyn. I know for a fact that Maralyn loves it when I call with my new found changed perspective. She graciously accepts my apologies and laughs a very sweet laugh. (Thanks for understanding Mom!)

This week I've had a few "Uh-oh" moments.

They were not good.

The things I've realized this week have left me sitting on the side of the bed with my head in my hands, elbows on knees, eyes staring at my shoelaces. Sighing deeply.

Here's the deal:

When I was in my early 20's - late teens, I could tell if someone was 50 years old. It was easy peezy lemon squeezy. If I was watching Mr. Rogers, I'd think to myself, "That guy is 50." If I was watching Gilligan's Island I would say, "The Skipper looks like he is 50." Aunt Bee looked 50. Mr. Burns looks 50. Others, looked 50, etc.

No big deal on my youthful perspective. So what....these people look like they are 50.

This week I was at at the church when the Stake President's wife says to me,
"You should know who Donald is he's about your age."
"How old is that?" I asked. (bad idea)
"Oh he's at least 50." She said.
I almost blacked out. Seriously. Knees went limp. A little stumble. Almost went down. Feet began to sweat. I collected myself trying very hard to not look completely annihilated.
Once breathing was restored to normal and I could speak clearly, I excused myself.


This morning I was at the convenience store. My co-worker was talking to the manager of the joint. I don't even know what he was talking to her about. All I know is the manager breaks away, looks at me and says,
"Well, you've got to be the same age as me!"
I looked at her blankly. I was afraid to ask her. But before I could stop myself I blurted sheepishly, "oh, yeah, how old are you?" (mistake and I knew it)
"50" She said.
A rush of blood hit my head so hard that all I could see was bright-blinding light. I could hear nothing but a high ringing in my ears. This seemed to go on for an eternity. Slowly I came out of it and wondered how long I had been in this stupor.

Everyone was looking at me.

The store was quiet.

"Ah-ha!" I thought bitterly.

I looked around at my co-worker. He just grabbed my sleeve and and said quietly, "let's go."



Sonja said...

Ok, well the lady was obviously very myopic or presbyopic or possible suffering from demensia. I mean, if she was 50, she could have been suffering from a lot of things, right?

Come on, this post is just like, two posts up from the one with your face wearing Maria's dress, Tron's get-up, swimming in the olympics, etc.
If there was a mistake to be made in the age department, it would most likely be in your favor.


jeremy said...

Ok, these are clearly two cases of people not knowing you well enough.
You have super balance. You have and live by the wisdom one accumulates throughout life but you're still able to maintain a more youthful exuberance. Only a rare breed can posess both of these qualities at the same time. It's a bit of an anomaly. Well, to me it is.
Take it from those of us who know you best, someone else's 50 and your eventual 50 is a big age gap.

Now, this doesn't mean your achilles will heal any faster but no one is perfect.

Jeremy the Ames said...

Well, if you're tying to convince us that you're not old by using phrases like "easy peezy lemon squeezy," it aint working. Just from that I'd put you at about 55.

In spite of that, I will say that to me you've always looked quite young. Boyish even. I mean, if you were John McCain's running mate you would appear to be but a babe.

Cheer up young man. With old age comes wisdom, and with mistaken old age I'm sure something comes. Who knows, maybe a discount.

Jessumca said...

Well don't worry dad they don't think you LOOK 50, they just know that you are very WISE and they were never that wise by your age. They were secretly jealous and wanted to make you feel bad. Its possible. Because I thought you looked young also. And actually I KNOW you look young. People in Idaho aren't used to the way you "big city folk" really look like.