Monday, April 27, 2009

Today's RANT: PIOUS = People for Insect Opportunity and Unconditional Security.

(Some of our insect friends...lost.)

There is a huge problem right now with the bug population (duh, like I need to tell you!). More specifically, the flying insect population of bugs. If you feel like I do (and I'm sooo sure that you do) then you will be overjoyed to know that someone is doing something about this horrible problem. That "someone" is me: Clive Brent Hope Jr and the springboard I'm using to advance this platform is "The Daily Item." I've decided to use "The Daily Item" for obvious reasons.

The Issue:
Too many bugs (flying insects) are perishing each year from moving vehicles. This loss of bug life is putting a strain on the next class of animals and bugs (crawling insects) birds, snakes, turtles, etc. The strain on these animals will result in bad things: See below!

(Way too thin Robin)

The Facts:
In these United States we have 143,781,202 automobiles. There are approximately 800,000 big trucks (semi tractor-trailer) on the road at any given time. The average miles driven by a trucker in one of those big rigs each year is 150,000 miles.

800,000 (trucks) x 150,000 (miles) = 120,000,000,000 miles driven each year collectively by all truckers.

(close up picture of bug on window. Sad, I know.)

Personal Data:
Last weekend I drove a Penskie 20 foot diesel moving-truck from Tacoma Washington to Hailey Idaho. Miles = 644. I encountered roughly (and quite conservatively) 5 squished bugs per mile on my windshield during the entire drive. That means in 644 miles driven I sent 3220 bugs to the netherworld. These bugs were gone in an instant! Poof! Or rather SPLAT! and Gonzo! One minute these bugs were flying innocently around performing innocent bug errands for their innocent bug wives and the next thing they know is they are shouting bug expletives right before being sent to the next existence! This is hardly any way for us as humans to act. What if the tables were reversed? What if we were flying and the bugs were driving? Yeah, now your beginning to see my point!

Calculations and an alarming realization:
If we take the average miles driven by truckers each year, 120,000,000,000, and times that by the number of bug hit each mile (5 per) we come out with a number equalling: 600,000,000,000 bugs killed each year by obnoxious human medling. That's right folks, WE are killing 600,000,000,000 bugs each year through our own selfish designs. Now folks, these numbers don't even include the miles driven each year by casual motorists in their casual autos. 600 Gazillion is way too many bugs being killed needlessly each year. These numbers are beginning to have an immediate impact on the animals, birds and bugs that rely on these flying insects as their food supply. Now is the time to act.

I know the problem is serious: WHAT CAN I DO?!!

I would like each of you to send me your donations and join our special group called:

PIOUS = People for Insect Opportunity and Unconditional Security.

can help and make a difference. There are many things that can be done right away but I will need your support.

Please send a $20.00 check or money order to:
Brent Hope
P.O. Box 3337
Hailey, Idaho 83333

We are aiming to get all of the truckers off of the road and back into horse and buggies or hand carts to pull their "needs." This will eliminate the huge surface area traveling at such high velocities that is now killing our insect friends.

We can make this happen!!


Amber Hope said...

I tell you what, I would love a horse and buggy ride!

Jeremy said...

This officially wins, "best post ever" award! Sign me up!

Justin said...

You are undoubtedly the Jonathan Swift our time. I thought my Sarcasm Kung Fu was strong, but weep for how weak I now seem. Awesome post!

Jeremy said...

Wait? You're being sarcastic!?! Crap! I had high aspirations for PIOUS!